paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
