Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
