OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
