I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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