There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
