Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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