she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
