Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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