The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
