I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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