Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
