I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
