i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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