im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
