Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
