What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
