so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
