I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
