I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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