Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So gin and wine won't be happening again

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

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(206): View more from Washington

I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

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(404): View more from Georgia

YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

(678): View more from Georgia

correction: escorted out

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(212): View more from New York

1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.

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(707): View more from California

You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.

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