Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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