I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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