You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My cat gives me a boner
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
