I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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