She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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