i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
