The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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