my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you never un-have a 4some
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
