Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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