We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
