Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
love makes seman taste better
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
