So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
