Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
