I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
