I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
