I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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