My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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