Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
