Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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