It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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