you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
