people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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