Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
