Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
