I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize