Rock
Scissors
Fuck
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
