I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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