i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
