Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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