Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
