I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
