Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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