My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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