dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
