yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
