He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
