people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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