i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
