I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
