My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
