What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
