Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
