Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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