my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
