im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
