Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
