Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
