i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
