sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
