I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
