the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
