I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
