Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
