i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
