I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
