I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize